I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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