He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
