3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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