idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
