My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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