I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
