The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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