Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
