marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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