Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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