No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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