i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
