Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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