I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
