discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
