Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
