I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
