The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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