i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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