Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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