I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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