I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
