so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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