In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The Olympian is in my bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
