Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
