my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
