I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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