You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
