whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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