shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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