I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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