Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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