So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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