Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
