dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish i was in the wii world.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
