hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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