I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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