She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
