I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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