Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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