I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
