i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
