We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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