Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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