Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My ATM looks so different sober.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
