I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
two words: eviction party
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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