Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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