I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
