That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
