It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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