hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
