There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They took my balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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