yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
