Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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