Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
