This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
