the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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