If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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