just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize