ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
should my penis look like a turkey
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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