That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
