My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
