I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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