Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
