I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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