I cannot find my penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
