he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
