I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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