A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The beer is more important than you right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
