I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
