The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if only i could text you this smell
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
