Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
