you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
