i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
