he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
