told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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