we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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