i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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