He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
