Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
