Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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